If You Give A Mouse A Confection...

...He's going to want to anally plug you.


I finished the third revision of my steam punk endeavor. Keighdee has yet to read it, however, so I'm afraid but hopeful.

I've been playing Call of Duty 4 recently with Ryan and I have to say that it is a tasty piece of business. I will not sing too much of its praises because no song could match what playing it does to a man, but I will say this: I have a shotgun with a laser sight painted with jungle camo ready for opposing faces.I have recieved 150 experience for jumping out of a window and only breaking my legs instead of dieing. I once accidentally tossed a grenade under a nearby car and via chain reaction earned 15 experience for a triple frag.

Need you more convincing? With most games it seems that once you finish the single player experience you are basically relegated to dealing with the multiplayer experience instead of enjoying it. After your fourth game of Halo you start to wonder just what the fucking point is of shooting the same people over and over again. This is where super-goddamn-awesome COD4 comes in. With such a short single player experience I was worried that I was going to fall into that Halo holding pattern, but not so.


The character creation was something that really caught my attention. I've never heard of a shooter that allowed you to build your own character for PvP and upgrade it steadily like an RPG. I was worried that I would be at a huge disadvantage, starting a new character without any of the weapons or upgrades that the other players would have. Luckily I found that my bullets were just as effective at mangling brains as theirs, even if mine were not as powerful or accurate. My first foray into the field may not have netted me the top spot on my team, but I could hold my own well enough.

Every kill, achievement and challenge completed in the field of battle earns experience that gives me new ranks, new weapons and new perks to upgrade my character with. Killing the same people over and over again doesn't become a factor because they never stay the same character. They may have been wielding a grenade launching assault rifle when you killed them last, but now they hold a light machine gun capable of shooting through walls and bearing a 300 tound canister. It keeps it lively.

I suppose I'll leave you with this morsel from my night of player killing.

After killing three people in a row I was given the ability to see all the players on the map for a short time. With this I managed five kills in a row which unlocked the ability to call in an airstrike anywhere on the map. The airstrike I'd called in felled two more men and this is what became of it....

I found myself literally out of my seat, one first pumping in maniac fashion into the air as I watched a helicopter I summoned with my seven kill streak fly in and begin raining missiles and bullets down on the map. Its guns thundered and rained the earth with metal tearing snipers apart in the fields and burning hardened warriors from their places of power. There were great cries of anguish and misery as point after point was racked up in my favor, the experience rolling over me in waves.

As though controlled by a person, the helicopter dodged small arms fire and RPGs shot from the opposing force's stronghold, returning fire upon their base and razing it in impressive fashion. When it finally left to refuel and rearm, I'd gained a new rank for my profile and the respect of the men who witnessed the spectacle. Certainly those men were really boys....boys screaming obscenties like "Your mother is whorefooted!" and "Bitchcunts and bloodspoons!" but they knew who I was then.

Respect.